Two Situations in Which You and Your Partner Might Benefit From Marriage Counselling

If you and your partner are in either of the following situations, then you may benefit from marriage counselling.

You have developed an unhealthy relationship dynamic

If you and your spouse have developed an unhealthy relationship dynamic, then you may start to experience problems that require the help of a marriage counsellor to resolve. For example, if the relationship dynamic between you and your spouse is such that one of you is very domineering and verbally expressive, while the other is passive, quiet and compliant (but silently seething with resentment), this could lead to a whole host of issues.

This type of relationship dynamic tends to result in the passive partner becoming more and more resentful of how they are being treated (without ever expressing this resentment out loud) and the loud, domineering partner feeling that their spouse does not care enough about them to express any strong emotions. This can lead to tension between the two people, passive-aggressive behaviours and a general sense of hostility.

In this situation, talking about the issue with a marriage counsellor could be very useful. The counsellor will be able to gently encourage both of you to take a different approach to communication and thus change your relationship dynamic for the better.

They may, for example, tell the louder partner to stop interrupting or talking over the quieter spouse. Likewise, they may encourage the passive partner to stop saying that everything is 'fine' and to instead actually express how they really feel.

This could help you and your spouse to understand each other better, develop a stronger emotional connection and learn how to react in a healthy manner when the other person does or says something that you don't like.

Having children has damaged your relationship

The stress, financial worries and sleep deprivation that accompany the arrival of a child can have a huge impact on a couple's relationship. It can lead to resentment (if, for example, one partner feels that they are shouldering more of the childcare burden than the other), a lack of physical and emotional intimacy (because you are both too exhausted to spend quality time together) and lots of arguments.

In this situation, going to marriage counselling could be beneficial. It will allow you and your spouse to talk about the things that bother you most and help you to find a way to resolve those issues. For example, your counsellor may suggest hiring a childminder once a week so that you and your partner can go on a date or enjoy each other's company, without worrying about or being distracted by your child. This will give you a chance to connect and have fun with one another on a regular basis.

They may also suggest that you alter your existing schedules and childcare arrangements so that one of you isn't having to do more than your fair share of childcare.

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